Waterbury Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Aaron Kaufman, in Israel

The Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Aharon Kaufman rushed off of his airplane and collected his baggage. Rather than heading to a warm shower and comfortable bed to recover from his long flight, as most other passengers likely did; he headed directly to Yeshivas Torah Ore where he was scheduled to speak. Torah Ore, headed by Rav Chaim Pinchas Scheinberg Shlit”a is located on busy Sorortzkin Street in the Mattersdorf neighborhood of Yerushalyim, and Rabbi Kaufman is from Waterbury Connecticut, far away. The Rosh Yeshiva had gone to Israel, for a very short stay, where he met with his old bochurim, interviewed some prospective ones, and spoke in more Yeshiva’s in those few days than most of us have ever been in over the course of one lifetime!

After leaving Yeshivas Torah Ore, he went directly on to his next destination – Yeshivas Yagdil Torah. While there he mesmerized the beis midrash with a masterful shiur klali revolving around a complex sugya in meseches kiddushin. That was Tuesday, one of the calmer days of the trip.

On Wednesday morning, Rabbi Kaufman davened shachris and ate breakfast at Yeshivas Or Yerushalyim (often affectionate referred to by it’s bochurim as OJ) and then he spoke to the entire Yeshiva, where he was once again well received. He went directly from there to Bayit Vegan where he addressed Yeshivas Tiferes Yerushalyim (“TJ”) and gave a shiur klali on Gittin daf hey. Later that day, he spoke in Yeshivas Or David (OD), and at night he closed his day with a visit and speech to Yeshivas Mikdash Melech. In some places he spoke in the sugyas that the yeshiva was learning, and in other Yeshivas, he spoke of mussar and hashkofa. There were equally brilliant and well liked, according to the reports of those in attendance.

Thurday morning, Rabbi Kaufman was to be found in Shaare Chesed, where he spoke in Yeshivas Midrash Shmuel of Rabbi Binyomin Moskovitz Shlit”a. He then headed to Ateres Yerushalyim in Ramot, (AJ) where he spoke once again.

On Firday night, at a lavish oneg shabbos hosted by one of his beloved former talmidim, who now learns in kollel, and gives Waterbury all the credit for his lifestyle choice, Rabbi Kaufman greeted many former talmidim, single and married, who made it clear to him that there is no such thing as a “former talmid.” Once a child – always a child. Rabbi Kaufman spoke to hearts of those assembled. He asked, “Why is it that in the 13 middos of Rachamim, we are told that Hashem forgives, “Pesha, and Chatah,” Which means, “willful sins, and even unintentional ones.” Certainly once we have said that Hashem forgives the intentional ones, we can know that he overlooks the unintentional!? Rabbi Kaufman explained that in some ways, unintentional sins are even worse than those that are intentional, based upon the Maharal. He taught that the essence of a person cannot be defined by every action that he makes. After all, when a person does a sin, - a willful one - as a result of the yetzer hara, it may be no more than a reflection of his level of self control, and have nothing to do with his essence. But when a person sins just as a matter of course, unintentionally without the impetus of his yetzer harah, there is some sort of indication that at the root of things, his essence may be somewhat connected to that sin. (After all, when one kills unintentionally we see it as a display if his essence, and so with any sin bishogeg.) Thus the Torah teaches us that in some way, an unintentional sin is worse than even one done deliberately! The oneg shabbos lasted past midnight, and was filled with Torah, singing, laughter, and true greatness.

On Motzai Shabbos, Rabbi Heshy Kahan of Ramat Eshkol, a former Waterbury talmid turned Posek hosted a gala malava malka where Rabbi Kaufman met with bochurim who would like to come to Waterbury for the first time, and join the chabura of bochurim who return from Eretz Yisrael to learn by Hagaon Rav Yitzchak Meir Fishman Shlit”a, and Rabbi’s Braunstein and Sonnenchein. Many bochurim attended, and many top bochurim will be coming to Waterbury after Pesach.

On Sunday, Rabbi Kaufman spoke in Yeshivat Reishit, and Netiv Aryeh in the Yerushalyim’s old city. On Monday, he spoke in Rabbi Center’s Yeshiva, in Kesher, and in Shalavim, and that night he flew home.

Over the course of the trip, he was seen in Yeshivas Beis Yisrael speaking with bochurim, and in the Mir, in long conversations with maggidei shiur, including Rav Nissin Kaplan, Rabbi Wagshal, and Rabbi Resnick.

The trip was a dazzling display of greatness – it was a change for those in Eretz Yisrael to have a glimpse of what those in Waterbury are privileged enough to witness up close, all year long.


Published in The Connecting with Waterbury page of Yated Neeman, March 2008

Quiet Greatness - Rabbi Moshe Don Kestenbaum

Rabbi Moshe Don Kestenbaum is an unusual man. This tall dark-haired 11th grade Rebbe with a warm smile is beloved by so many. His daf yomi shiurim are applauded for their brilliance. This once (and likely still) talented left-handed basketball player has made his mark on the Jewish people at a young age, in an area far from that of athletics. As a bochur, he was known for hasmoda. That was his mark on the Yeshiva of Far Rockaway, and the Mir. Friends of his who learnt beside him in the Mir describe Rabbi Kestenbaum showering and dressing for shabbos at 12 pm, and then heading for the beis midrash until shabbos, on long summer Fridays.

Coming from the Yeshiva of Far Rockaway, he was educated by one of today’s mussar giants, Rabbi Yechiel Perr Shlita. Rabbi Perr is the quintessential baal mussar, a kind thoughtful talmid chocham who can take the most complicated of human situations and dissect them through the Torah’s lens. When he first came to Waterbury, he gave shiurim and mussar vaadim to the Beis Midrash bochurim – extremely popular ones. His mussar was laced with quotes and stories from Rabbi Perr. He himself came up with many methods of personal growth based upon the wisdom found in s’forim. He laughingly would describe to those in his chabura what it feels like as a bochur to buy a bag of potato chips from the snack machine in yeshiva. “You buy a bag for 75 cents, and you open it to find that it is mostly air, and only three chips! Then a friend of yours comes by and says, he can I have some?” Since this is likely to bother you, explained Rabbi Kestenbaum, you of course should never ask someone else to give you their chips! “Buy two bags,” taught Rabbi Kestenbaum to his students. “Then you will have one to give away and one for yourself!” Indeed he lives his own life this way, and has thus developed into a magnanimous and truly giving person. Anyone who has seen him don his colorful “wedding yarmulkeh,” and proceed to dance before a chosson with abandon, has truly witnessed what he is willing to sacrifice of himself for the pleasure of his fellow Jew.

Built likely from years of mussar vaadim, and even more years of personal mussar study and development, Rabbi Kestenbaum embarked on a daring initiative – he began writing his own mussar sefer. Those who know Rabbi Kestenbaum are aware that, more so than most of his companions, he is known for his very real mastery of Shas – having finished many mesechtos with Rishonim and Acharonim many times over. This makes his choice to publish on mussar all that more surprising. A look at his introduction tells us why he made this choice. In his words, “There are many mussar sforim by giants in Torah and Yirah, who am I to count myself amongst them? However, it appears to me that there is yet a great need for a contemporary sefer that speaks to a person of our times….”

He called his sefer Olam Hamidos, (the intitals M.D. of his first name ‘Moshe Don’ are alluded to in the first two letters of Middos) for it is a work that sets out to “delineate the obligation of ‘middos’ and offer effective advice to develop them.” It bears the haskomos of Rabbi Aharon Kaufman shlit”a, the Rosh Yeshiva of Ateres Shmuel of Waterbury, Rabi Yechiel Perr shlit”a, the Rosh Yeshiva of the Yeshiva of Far Rockaway, and Harav Nosson Tzvi Finkel shlit”a, the Rosh Yeshiva of Mir Yerushalyim. Rav Finkel, in his haskoma makes a remarkable statement about the author, when he says, “from between the lines of the sefer, it is evident that the author is a veritable storehouse of Yiras Shomayim.” A school-child might say, “it takes one to know one,” and in this instance, such praise could not come from a more remarkable source.

Olam Hamiddos, the World of Middos, is made up of 8 “worlds,” all dealt with in individual chapters. The first is the “world of middos” which explains the purpose of middos development; then is the “world of truth,” “the world of kovod” (honor), “the world of jealousy,” “the world of anger,” “the world of happiness,” “the world of strength,” and “the world of kindness.” Within the sefer there are so many remarkable though provoking messages that it is daunting to attempt to take a sample, but we shall nevertheless try.

Rabbi Kestenbaum tells of a mystifying quote, attributed to Rav Chaim Vital, the great student of the Arizal; “the character of a person is judged solely based upon how he behaves toward his wife.” Isn’t this unusual, asked Rabbi Kestenbaum, for a man is far more than a spouse! He has dealings with so many people in so many situations! Why are his middos judged by this one dynamic? He speaks of how man desires so deeply to find favor in the eyes of others, that subconsciously he does whatever he can to curry their favor. But that does not exist when one is married. The same kovod is not forthcoming from those with whom we live as from other whom we may impress with a mere glimpse. On a deeper level, he continues, the love and closeness of proximity that marriage demands make it difficult to hide even a hint of anger or dissatisfaction. This is not so with even the closest friend. It thus emerges that the true mettle of a person is only really displayed in his marriage. Whether or not he really is filled with hate and anger or love and compassion is truly something that only his wife can know. This, explained the Olam Hamidos is what Rav Chaim Vital was telling us.

Throughout the course of his sefer, Rabbi Kestenbaum offers both conceptual and theoretical advice in a sincere and down to earth fashion. Quoting from great sforim and Rabbonim, such as Mesilas Yesharim (on p. 184) Rav Yisrael Salanter z”l (p. 26) Yitzchok Hutner z”l (on p. 8) and Rabbi Aaron Wilk shlit”a (p. 25), he weaves a tapestry that is certain to make the reader both a better person and a better Jew. Yeshiva Ateres Shmuel of Waterbury is truly blessed to have Rabbi Kestenbaum in it’s walls.


Published in Yated Neeman Waterbury Page March 2008

The Overpopulation Crisis

Based upon a Shiur given by Rabbi David Lapin


For the most part, Torah observant Jews proudly boast large families. Are they destroying the world as we know it?

Thomas Robert Malthus was the second of eight children. It was a large family, and he apparently resented it. His theories are known as Malthusian ideology. This doctrine sees all major social problems - poverty, hunger, political instability, and environmental destruction - as due to population growth, and posits that population control thus represents a key solution. "In October 1838, that is, fifteen months after I had begun my systematic inquiry, I happened to read for amusement Malthus on Population…” wrote Charles Darwin in his biography, where he proceeded to describe the great influence that Malthus had on his thinking - particularly on his theory of natural selection. In 1978 a book called “The 100: A Ranking of the Most Influential Persons in History,” placed Malthus at number 80 in this worldwide ranking. Was Thomas Malthus right or wrong? Will large families lead to the world’s demise?

During the reign of King David (Samuel II 24) a devastating mistake was made. David decided to count the Jewish people, and did so in no special way. Halacha tells us that it is permissible to count the number of raised hands in a room, but not the people themselves. (Talmud Yoma 22b, Magen Avraham 156) We cannot count people. But David did. And the Jews were hit with a death wave in which 70,000 (!) men died from one end of the nation to the other. Our sages tell us (Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer 43) that in fact only one person died. His name was Avishai Ben Tzeruyah, and though he was only one man, he was worth 70,000. It sounds a bit unusual to refer to one person as 70,000; what is the message – and why does Scripture choose to teach us the value of this man especially now?

The Torah tells us that if the Jewish people are counted in an ordinary fashion, it will cause a plague. G-d therefore directs Moses to count the Jews in an unusual way wherein each person gives a coin. The coins will then be counted, and the census with thus be accomplished without pestilence. Why does this solve the problem? And what was the problem to begin with?

It is forbidden to count Jews. The reason is really quite simple; you have no idea what anyone else is worth. One person may be worth far more than another. To count people as equally valuable is simply incorrect. David made that mistake – but he learned his lesson when he lost one man who was worth 70,000. How beautifully does G-d make every punishment fit the offense! We count people based upon what they have contributed to society. That is really what life is about. “He who detests gifts is truly alive,” stated Solomon the great King David’s son. We can count everyone only if they give something – for a gift can be quantified. When Moses counted his people, each one gave something of himself, and that was counted. Thus, nobody had to be taken away.

Avishai’s passing is referred to as “70,000 from one end of the nation to another!” (In Hebrew, “Dan to Beersheba.”) Now that we know that it was one man and he certainly lived in only one city at a time, how are we to understand this statement? The message is the same. God took one man, whose positive influence affected the length and breath of his nation, and taught us a lesson for posterity. One man can span a nation, from Dan to Beersheba. (Biur Radal ibid)

Overpopulation is dangerous in a society of takers. When people consume more than they produce, each new person is just another liability. But when people are innovative, and givers, when people produce more than they consume - the more the merrier! The Torah’s focus is always the obligation, rather than the right. An obligation to tithe is stressed, rather than the Levites right to receive it. Our aim must be to produce a society of givers, and builders. We must fulfill the Torah’s commandment to be fruitful and multiply. After all, it is only when we are fruitful, that our multiplying and overpopulation can truly have any meaning.

Seeing God... on Moshe's Birthday!

“When the lots that Haman had cast landed on the month of Adar, he rejoiced and said, ‘my lots fell on the month in which Moshe died.’ But Haman did not know that while Moshe died on the seventh of Adar, he was also born on the seventh of Adar.” (Megilla 13b)

While it is clear that Haman did not know that Moshe was born on the seventh of Adar, it is evident from the beginning of the gemara that he did know the date of his death. The gemara’s statement that he “did not know that Moshe died on the seventh of Adar, and was born on the seventh of Adar” implies that there was something that he did not know about the death of Moshe as well.

It also behooves us to discover why it was that a man who was so obsessed with the Jewish people, and so knowledgeable of their ways missed the birth date of Moshe, and only knew the day of his death. Midrashim are replete with accounts of Haman quoting verses from the Torah. Like most of our enemies, he knew much about our Torah, and nevertheless combated it viciously. So why then did he never learn of the birth of Moshe?

Rav Tzadok Hakohen of Lublin (Divrei Chalomos 20) writes that “the day that a man is born is when his mazel is at its most powerful point. On that day, every year, he need no fear that any misfortune will befall him. When our sages taught us that the righteous die on their birthdays – that is because for those so righteous, death is an elevation of their mazel, and the next step in their spiritual climb.”

“Ki lo yirani ha’adam v’chai,” is normally translated as “no man can see me and survive.” But Abudraham (Mussaf Shabbos - Kedusha) offers an alternative translation. “’Neither can man see me, nor can the Chai,’ referring to the Angels” But our sages have taught us that while no man can see G-d in his lifetime, he sees him in his death! (Pirkei D’Rabbi Eliezer 31) In fact, the Chida (D’vash L’fi Mem 24) offers a number of reason that the righteous must die – and his fifth reason is “Ki lo yirani ha’adam v’chai!” At a righteous human’s death, he reaches a higher level of appreciation of G-d than even the highest angel can ever reach!

Thus, Haman did not know that not only did Moshe die on the seventh of Adar, but that death was really a birth as well, just as was his first birth. He may have even known the dry information about the day that Moshe was born from an entry in the Encycolpedia Persian-ica. But Haman did not truly understand the Jewish purpose in this world – why Moshe was really born. He therefore could not truly understand why Moshe died, and how that death was a birth to another world. He did not know that Moshe’s death was just another rung in a ladder that begins here on earth, and reaches into the heavens.

(It was only some time after this suggestion was written that the author found this very pshat in this gemara in the sefer Chomas Anach on Koheles 3:2. The Chida there quotes his fathers Rav, R. Avraham Itzchaki, who offers a remarkably similar pshat.)

Published in The Jerusalem Life Adar II 2008

Dav Dalin forces Arab professor to resign

Sapir College’s film professor, Nizar Hassan is a famous documentary film-maker. This “celebrity” must apologize by Thursday to Israeli Army reservist Eyal Cohen, for refusing to allow him to be part of his class while he was in uniform. A day before the deadline, two groups took to the Sderot campus to debate and protest.
In early November, Eyal Cohen, a second-year film student, came directly from his Military Intelligence reserve duty to his film class, given by Nizar Hassan. He was wearing his uniform and as a result Hassan refused to teach him. When he would not leave the room, Hassan ignored him entirely and would not allow him to speak. Hassan also reportedly kept interjecting the phrase "Yes, sir" in reference to Cohen and refused to allow him to respond until he came back to class in civilian clothing. Students referred to Hassan’s demeanor as “childish and vindictive.”
A committee organized by the College President Ze'ev Tzahor looked into the incident. They decided that Hassan had one week to write an unequivocal apology to Cohen making it clear that he respected the IDF uniform, and stating that he would teach anyone wearing one. He was told that should he fail to do so, he would be fired. Until he did so, he could not teach at the college. If he did apologize, but then acted in a similar manner in the future, he would also be fired, the panel decided.
Etti Livni, Hassan's lawyer, told the committee, "Hassan acted with good intentions, as someone who just wants to see human beings in his class - not soldiers, not Jews, not Arabs - and he did not mean to humiliate anyone. Just seeing a uniform is enough to frighten and intimidate him. They represent violence for him. He reacted to the student appearing in uniform out of fear.” Nizar claimed he thought the student was armed.
The panel rejected Livni and Hassan's claims. They said that they suspected his motives to be purely nationalistic. The report harshly criticized Hassan for failing to uphold academic values, despite his reputation as a devoted teacher.
"We do not think 'artistic freedom' justifies a lenient posture toward those who cross all red lines," the committee wrote.
Shai Dashevsky, a fellow student of Cohen's in the film department, was one of the organizers of the protest in support of academic freedom. "We protested in support of free speech. We did not rally to support Professor Hassan. We didn't even mention his name once," Dashevsky told reporters by phone Wednesday evening. Almost 20 people from across the political spectrum showed up, Dashevsky said, and professors also stopped by in between classes.
"It was a humiliating letter [from the committee] to Nizar," Dashevsky said, "We want to be able to make up our own minds without dictates from outside." "Professors are scared now," they worry that what they say might get them fired, Dashevsky continued. He said that he believed that Eyal Cohen had in fact been humiliated by Hassan, and that he should receive an apology for the personal affront, but that there should be open debate on campus as well.
Dov Dalin is a kind and brilliant third-year student of Business Logistics. His vibrant personality and passion for his beliefs are noticeable immediately. He told The Jerusalem Life of how he organized a counter-protest, with participants coming from the Left and Right. Even far-right activist Itamar Ben-Gvir put in an appearance. Dalin told the Jerusalem Life in an exlcusive interview that he put together the protest to call for Hassan's unequivocal dismissal.
"I think that [the committee's decision] was the wrong response. They should have told Hassan: 'No, you can't teach here anymore," Dalin, who made aliya from Venice California in 1998, said Wednesday evening.
"As a reserve soldier myself, it is not a good message to send to the country that we tolerate someone like him. He attacked something we hold near and dear - the army," Dalin said. Dalin also indicated that the counter-protest was aimed to reverse the image of Sapir College as a hotbed of radical leftists who "even wanted to invite Tali Fahima to come speak." (Tali Fahima served two years in prison for sharing classified information with the head of Fatah's Aksa Martyrs Brigades in Jenin.) Those at the rally do not represent the majority of students, he said. The college's Student Union said in a statement: "We view severely any insult to a student and will not allow discrimination of whatever kind within the college. We view Nizar Hassan's behavior as insulting.
Professor Hassan has hopefully learned his lesson, but not without a price. His failure to issue an apology has lost him his job. Dalin was interviewed on National Television and Radio in a relatively successful attempt to discredit Hassan. He artfully debated Hassan’s lawyer in an impressive display of cunning and sharp rejoinders. The story appeared in Maariv, The Jerusalem Post, and most major every media outlet in Israel. It is certainly not the first time that a venomous man has hurt a good Jew for being faithful to his country – but it may be the last time for this professor; assuming that he wishes to keep his next job.

Published in The Jerusalem Life Adar II 2008

Rabbi Noach Weinberg - hundreds of thousands brought back?

As I passed the bima (table) in the center of the Aish Hatorah beis midrash this Wednesday, I noticed an amazingly thick book. But when I saw the title, I could not believe my eyes. It read, "Names of some of the people who have been impacted by the Rosh Yeshiva Harav Noach Weinberg to become religious or more religious: as a zechus list for his refua shleima." THe Rosh Yeshiva is currently undergoing intense chemotherapy. Aish asked on February 18th that people give thier name to this list. Within three days, 64,424 were in a fat spiral-bound booklet, and I was looking at it.
In my opinion, that booklet alone can isnpire another 64,424 people.
May hashem grant Moreinu HaRav Yisrael Noach ben Hinda Shlita a refua shleima bkarov!

A Child Ails, A Nation Heals

Little Eytan Feiner wanted nothing more than to grow up to be starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. But when he was sidelined as a child and was no longer the starting point guard for his basketball team, he discovered that the field of athletics was not where his contribution to society would lie. So he realized that litigation would be his forte. He dreamt of pulling up to courthouses in a shiny black BMW and debating Dershowitz and the greats. But after some time in Israel learning, he had what he calls an epiphany. “We don’t not live for ourselves – that is not the reason that we are here,” he says, only far more eloquently. The great talents that Hashem endowed him were evident. It was then and there that he dedicated those talents to Hashem and the Jewish people. He worked hard and headed on the path to Rabbonus and spreading Torah.

Rabbi Eytan Feiner has the most phenomenal memory and breadth of knowledge that most people will ever encounter. He can quote at will (citing exact page numbers) from many thousands of obscure Torah sources. That nature of his awesome kindness and generosity is well known. I can honestly say that he is one of the kindest people that I have had the privilege of knowing. This usually gifted and sweet man went on to marry the girl of his dreams. “You see,” explains Rabbi Feiner, “we all plan out our lives. We expect to wed the girl of our dreams, have money, and children, and happiness. We do not ever think that things will not go our way.” Rabbi Feiner was married, and although to this day, none of the many doctors can offer even a suggestion as to why it was so, he and his wife did not conceive a child for many years. “Hashem,” he would say, “I want to serve you and teach, but I need simchas hachayim. Please let me have a family.” We all do this often, explains Rabbi Feiner, “Hashem give me money, so that I can give charity.” “Give me this so that I can accomplish that.” At times, life felt so difficult that the great Eytan Feiner, who had already developed quite a reputation in yeshiva (“You don’t batel around Feiner” people would say) considered abandoning his learning and going to Columbia Law School, rather than continuing his studies.

Suffering is by definition not easy. But it is always manageable says Rabbi Feiner. After twelve and a half years, his suffering was over! A beautiful baby boy was born to him on a Tuesday night. He speaks with such happiness of those few moments that he was given holding his new beautiful “tzaddikel” before he was whisked away. But it was not even one half hour later when he heard the most devastating news of his life. His son’s breathing was not alright. And soon, one system of his son’s would fail just on the heels of another. It was a nightmare! Something was wrong with the baby. Apparently, there is some amino acid deficiency in this little boy’s body. In all of recorded medical history there is not record of any human ever having had this condition! The doctors are humbled – they know nothing about it.

Someone entered and told Rabbi Feiner, “it is alright if you are mad at Hashem.” But Rabbi Feiner turned around, and said “We have never loved Hashem as much as right now. We are not angry at all. And we know that he loves us so much as well.”

This little boy has done something for klal yisrael that nothing in recent times has been able to. Prayer and study groups from Jerusalem to St. Louis to Los Angeles and around the world have been organized for Hatinok Ben Aviva Bas Chana. From one side of the spectrum to the other, Jews are uniting. From the most yeshivish of seminaries to the most modern; all were represented when on thousand girls came to Neve Yerushalayim to hear Mrs. Feiner speak. Emails are being sent, and Facebook groups are being started. We are all one people says Rabbi Feiner. This little child has had such a zchus in his short time in this world, to bring prayer and loshon hara awareness programs, and Talmud Torah into this long hard galus.

Rabbi Feiner stood in Aish Hatorah, where he is a Rebbe, little more than a week after his son was born, and spoke. He thanked Hashem for everything, and expressed his unfaltering love and appreciation for his Tatty in heaven. There was not a dry eye in the room. He spoke of how life is not about learning, charity, or prayer. Those are crucial ingredients, but ultimately, life is about being an Eved Hashem, a servant of G-d. “G-d, give me money to give charity with. Give me brains to study with.” When will be forget all of our plans and serve Him?! When will we stop asking for ourselves and begin to act as servants must?

The doctors have found a medication, and Rabbi Feiner is confident that his son will live until 120 with Hashem’s grace.
This great man, who stood among his students in Yeshivas Aish HaTorah, and inspired everyone present concluded with a startling statement. The baby’s delay of twelve and one half years is unexplainable. So is the disease. Rabbi Feiner’s grandfather had a dream that this baby will be Moshiach. So did a woman from Rabbi Feiner’s neighborhood. He may or may not be, said Rabbi Feiner, but he has certainly brought our people many steps closer to Moshiach’s arrival. The amount of prayer and study that he has inspired is beyond measure. But even more valuable, it seems, is the unity that he has engendered. This little adorable “munchkin of a tzaddikel” as Rabbi Feiner calls his son, has brought love and unification to the Jewish people. Please pray for Rabbi Feiner’s little son. Pray that he live a long productive life. Pray that the Jewish people know no more suffering and pain. Storm the heavens! This exile has been so long and so terribly difficult. We are all trying so hard, Hashem! Please look down at your beloved people, and usher them into a time that knows no more suffering and no more pain.

Why were Rabbinic Jews called Pharisees?

בענין למה נקראו חכמי ישראל פרושים כתב הרע"ב בחגיגה ב ,ז מפני שאוכלין חולין בטהרה ופרושים ממגע ע"ה. ובפירוש המשניות להרמב"ם פ"ג דסוטה שקראו חכמים לעצמם פרושים מפני שפורשין מבני אדם עם מידות מגונות, ובערוך ערך פרוש איתא "והתואר פרוש מי שהבדיל עצמו והרחיק עצמו מהליכות והנהגות בני האדם הן לטוב הן לרעה (תוספתא סוטה ספט"ו רבו  פרושים בישראל") ובסדר הדורות ג' אלפים ת"ס בשם פילון פ' שחלק מהם פרשו מנשותיהם ובניהם, [וע"ע מהרש"א קידושין עא. ד"ה נזיר בשם יוסיפון שהיה כת בזמן הבית שנקראו נזירים שהלכו להתבודדות כדי שלא לדבר בקלון בני אדם.] ובנצוצי אור לר' ראובן מרגליות (בריש ספרו) כתב מפני שתעודתם ותפקידם היה לפרש את התורה. וברמב"ן (ויקרא יט, ב) איתא דזה מלשון "פרושים תהיו."

A Madwoman and Mussar

Alan Morinis is Jewish by birth. From a secular family, he was pulled to explore Hinduism and Buddhism as a young man. But in the face of personal crisis, he turned to his Jewish heritage and happened upon the spiritual tradition called Mussar. He soon realized that he had discovered an insightful discipline for self-development, complete with contemplative and transformative practices designed to penetrate the deepest roots of the inner life.

Eventually reaching the limits of what he could learn on his own, he decided to seek out a Mussar teacher. This was not an easy task, since almost the entire world of the Mussar tradition had been swept away in the holocaust. In time, in Far Rockaway, Long Island, he found an accomplished master who stood in an unbroken line of transmission of the Mussar Tradition, Rabbi Yechiel Yitzchok Perr, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Derech Ayson, the Yeshiva of Far Rockaway. He has now been a practicing Orthodox Jew for close to eight years.

His book Climbing Jacobs Ladder, which Spirituality & Health voted book of the year, tells the inward story of his discovery of Mussar and the way it transformed his life. At times, it is almost a biography of Rabbi and Rebbitzen Perr. He has founded the Mussar institute (http://www.mussarinsitute.org/), which offers courses and programs for many kinds. He attended Oxford on a Rhodes scholarship, and has made his career as a producer of award-winning television and films. He still lives in Vancouver British Columbia with his wife and two daughters.

His newest book, Everyday Holiness (Boston, 2007) is a guide to practical growth in Mussar. Though there may be many others far more qualified and knowledgeable, Morinis quotes (Everyday Holiness p. 5) Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda whose Chovos Halevovos was published in the year 1070, where he writes:

“I knew many good ideas were rejected because of fear, that dread causes a lot of damage, and I recall the expression, “Be careful not to be too careful!” I realized that if everyone who ever resolved to do something good or to instruct others in the path of righteousness kept still until he himself could accomplish everything he set out to, that nothing would have been said since the days of the prophets.”


In Climbing Jacobs Ladder, (p. 177-8) he tells a story which in a deeper sense sums up the immense dedication that he has shown in his life’s journey. ‘Rabbi Perr told me a story one day that left even him shaking his head in astonishment at the capacity of the human heart to love and serve.

“When I was teaching at my father-in-laws yeshiva,” he said, “a man showed up one day unexpectedly. His wife had snapped, unfortunately. She was having a psychotic episode, and she was screaming like a banshee. With tremendous energies! Mad-person energies!
She was screaming without stop, without eating, without resting, without sleeping, around the clock. And she had to be restrained from jumping out the window, from attacking people. Can you imagine?

“Now this man didn’t want to hospitalize her because he was afraid of the stigma. And he knew there was a doctor in Flatbush who gave shock treatments in his office. He had arranged to see this doctor, but has to wait to take her there. There would be a series of treatments, and she would have to be kept not too far from Flatbush until the treatments took effect. So they wound up in my father-in-law’s apartment.

“Three or four of my students, who were in their twenties, and me too, we took turns guarding her so she wouldn’t harm herself or jump out the window. And the whole time she was spewing obscenities.

“This fellow had been taking the whole load on himself. He’d been up with her around the clock for about a week. He hadn’t changed his clothes, he hadn’t eaten, he couldn’t leave her alone. He was perspiring through his clothing which was stained and filthy. He was a clean-shaven person and he hadn’t shaved for a week. He was just a wreck.

“I said to him, ‘How long has this been going on?’ ‘About a week now,’ he answered. ‘But how can you take it?’ I asked. And you know what he answered me? He said, ‘what do you think marriage is? Just for the good times?’ Then after a moment he added, ‘And how does God “take” us? That is also a marriage!’ ”

Alan Morinis dreams that he will reach his brothers in the Jewish world and get them in touch with their souls. It is the depth and power of Mussar that he hopes will awaken their dormant spiritual fervor. After all, it was mussar lessons like this one that awakened his!

Published in The Jerusalem Life, Adar I 2008

Dear Daniella! A Fresh look at Shidduchim, dating, and etiquette

Dear Daniella,

I have been dating for three years now. I am a popular boy in Yeshiva, but i have never been out past a second date. I just cannot seem to become comfortable with any girl that I have gone out with. Is there anything that you can do to help me?

Reuven F. (Last initial has been changed to protect the privacy of Reuven S)

Dear Reuven F,

Let me start by telling you that your problem is not at all unique. My husband and I have been married 34 years and we are still only truly comfortable during and after a good game of Yahtzee. That’s just a little joke. Jokes are meant to ease tension and break down barriers. The finest public speakers will tell you to always begin with something lighthearted. The gemara even tells us to always begin teaching a shiur with a “milsa dibdichusa,” a joke. In your case however, a simple “knock-knock,” “lightbulb,”or “Rabbi, priest, and Islam guy,” will not do it. I do have a suggestion for you. Go to Toys R’ Us just before your next date and go straight to the Fisher Price aisle. They manufacture a little miniature steering wheel that children like to play with. My Aunt Arlene’s children are crazy about them. What a great toy! Place the toy steering wheel in the back seat (just behind the drivers seat.) After letting the girl in the car, go around as though you were getting into the drivers seat, but instead get into the back seat and take your place at the Fisher Price (or Tonka) wheel that you have purchased. Begin driving as normal. You will not be moving, but do not let that on. Begin shouting raucously at one point claiming that you have been cut off. Ask her if she’s ever been in this neighborhood before and why there are so many creepy people around. (You are still in front of her house.) She may be a bit stupefied after 5-10 minutes, and this is your cue to move on. Just get in the front seat and say “Pardon me I seem to have lost my mind for just a moment there,” and proceed as normal. If she does not laugh so hard that she ruins her makeup, she is a truly kind person – but she is laughing inside. Trust me – I write a shidduch column. And if for some reason it doesn’t work, hang on to this page – you can blame it on me and I’m certain that you will be given a second chance.

-Daniella

Dear Daniella,

I am dating a boy who is quite a talmid chacham from what I have heard. But when I asked him what mesechta he was learning he told me, “The Sears and Roebuck Catalog.” I am not certain how to read this. I really want to marry him, but I am truly concerned because when I asked him to tell me over something he has learnt recently, he actually began reciting the merits of Sansabelt Slacks. Help me! Is he being funny, or is he really not learning and simply gaining knowledge of sale prices soon to be outdated?!

In Need of Adbice
(in the email we received, it was spelled “adbice.” Though it is likely a typo, as b and v are neighbors on the keyboard, we chose not to change the spelling because we suspect that the email may have come from Mexico where advice is pronounced “adbice.”)

Dear In Need of Adbice,

I chose this email out of the many that we received due to its relevance to most daters! If you do not know whether or not he is joking, you should not yet “really want to marry him!” Wait and see, I’m sure that you will get a better feel for his sense of humor and serious side. When you know him better there will be no such questions. In a shidduch advice column in a competing publication, a very similar question was asked. The writer suggested that they get married ASAP, being that there is a shidduch crisis. I could not disagree more. In fact if you are not married because the only candidates knew more about the Sears catalog than their Yiddishkeit: that is no crisis! Keep on going, and don’t give up. Remember there’s no “I” in the word team. Just give %110 percent and Hashem will surely help you you’ll find your Prince Bashert in the right time.

-Daniella

Published in The Jerusalem Life Shvat 2008

Shabbos, Torah, and a New World - the story of Ephraim Finkelstein

Somebody must have been praying hard in the City of Hartford Connecticut on the day that Ephraim and Leah Finkelstein got off at the wrong station. The Finkelstein’s would have made it to Boston eventually had they stayed on the train. But for some unknown reason, they disembarked in Hartford. Maybe as new immigrants, Ephraim and Leah did not fully understand the conductor’s rapid-fire station announcements. Hartford in 1898 was an increasingly popular destination for Jewish Eastern Europeans, and Ephraim said to his wife, “Well, if Hashem wants to provide me with parnassah, He can do it inn Hartford too.” Moving to Boston was a decision born of the Finkelsteins steadfast commitment to shmiras Shabbos at all costs.

Born in 1870 to parents Shlomo Yosef and Nechama in Firstig, Glaicia, Ephraim Finkelstein was orphaned as a young boy. He was taken in and raised by his kind older sister Sara and her husband, the son of Rabbi Yehoshua Amsel, a student of the Rebbe of Dinov, the towering Bnei Yissaschar. Upon arrival in America just after his marriage to Leah Leff, at age 18, the young couple settled on New York’s lower east side. The extreme financial strain that was placed upon the new immigrant would have been difficult enough to shoulder even if he could have kept a steady job. But for the Shabbos observant, there were few employers who would be understanding and amenable to their religious needs. Assimilation was seen by many as the only route to daily bread – keeping Shabbos in the shtetl of old was one thing, but in America, it would devastate a person. But the Finkelstein’s knew that the true devastation was not in physical suffering but in spiritual decline.

Ephraim refused to work on Shabbos, and when he realized that New York would offer him little opportunity, he moved to Jersey City. But neither his fortunes nor his employers smiled upon him there any more than they had in New York, and the Finkelstein’s thus found themselves in Hartford Connecticut.

New Jewish immigrants were settling on the eastside of the city in cramped tenement buildings. But as the Jews have always managed to do, the flourishing Jewish community of Hartford began to blossom. Ephraim opened his Tailors Shop on State Street, and it was to become the most successful men’s clothing store in Hartford. But the road was not an easy one. At that time, the “blue laws” were strictly enforced. These laws mandated the closure of all business of Sunday, the day of rest. Weekends are busy times in the clothing business and being closed on Saturday was already a tremendous sacrifice. Being closed on Sunday was proving to be a financial catastrophe. It was a great show of love for God and His Torah, and an enormous Kiddush Hashem to all who saw his store closed on the Shabbos. His children recalled the dinner times in their small apartment above the store when there was no food at all on the table. Nearly all of the Finkelstein’s descendants are Shomrei Torah Umitzvos, something that most of their religious neighbors unfortunately cannot claim. The complete sacrifice for Shabbos that they displayed is no doubt one of the underlying reasons. As his grandchild, Rabbi Ephraim Eisenberg Zt”l former Rosh Yeshiva of Ner Yisrael in Blatimore once said, “I am convinced that our family is blessed with so many brachos (blessings) because of the mesiaras nefesh (personal sacrifice) of our grandparents for shmiras Shabbos (Shabbos observance.”

Ephraim was not simply content with working around the blue laws. He soon organized with others in forming a lobby to appeal the blue laws. This was quite a feat; for his understanding of the inner workings of the Connecticut legislature was as meager as was his command of the English language. But his great capacity for leadership and his deep belief in what he was doing helped the group to eventually make a change in the Connecticut law whereupon any business closed on Saturdays for religious reasons would now be allowed to open on Sundays.

Ephraim’s business began to flourish. He purchased much real estate and amassed much wealth. But his beautiful family was always predicated on the principles of the Torah. As time went on, the Finkelstein’s were the only Shomer Shabbos family in their neighborhood. With no religious day schools, costly tutors had to be hired every day to learn with the children before and after school. At times the days activity would begin at six o’clock in the morning! In 1912, Ephraim established the Pleasant Street Talmud Torah which by 1915 had already taught over 300 students, and eventually became the Yeshiva of Hartford.

About ten years later, Ephraim took upon himself to correct the problems that were facing the Mikvah of Hartford. In 1907, the Mikvah was founded due to Ephraims persistence. Until the mikvah has been established, the Finkelsteins would travel a few hours in a horse and buggy to use the mikvah in a far off town somewhere else in Connecticut. But the Mikvah was now in a bad neighborhood, and had deteriorated greatly. The neighborhood that had once had more than forty kosher butcher shops was no longer a Jewish neighborhood. Many women were frightened and uncomfortable using the facility. Ephraim assumed leadership of a campaign to build a new Mikvah, in a residential section of Hartford. But many felt that their property value would suffer with a Mikvah in the neighborhood, and other quite possibly simply did not like the Jewish Community. Ultimately after many years of lobbying and fundraising, the new mikvah was built on Magnolia Street in 1930. But the work was hard and the hours were long.

Maintaining a Torah lifestyle in pressing circumstances is no small feat. But building Torah in a small New England neighborhood is something truly great. It is the story of Torah pioneers like Ephraim and Leah Finkelstein that are the heritage of all those privileged to live in Hartford and indeed of us all.

Am Echad

The large double-decker bus was waiting for us just outside the giant train station in Munich. As the group of 50 or so college age students waited for Alexei to call their names, check them off and allow them to board, I wondered what I was about to experience. Am Echad is a branch of the Lauder foundation. Their seminars are but a taste of their unprecedented efforts at reaching German and European Jewish youth. This two week summer seminar was to take place high in the Swiss Alps, in a small city called Parpan. The seminar was to consist of daily Torah study, kosher food, two shabbos experiences, (on two separate shabbosim of course) singing, dancing, sports activities, home-made game shows at night, (among them were “lets make a deal,” and “Who wants to be a millionaire”) and a general exposure to Torah Judaism.

The bus completed its international journey by weaving through the precariously tight mountain roads up to the Grischa Lodge hotel, where a meal awaited the new arrivals. The group was a fascinating sight, Jewish boys and girls from across the spectrum or Jewish life. Some dressed in the modest fashion of the religious while others looked as though they had never even heard of kosher or shabbos let alone experience them. On the surface, the group may have appeared a bit eclectic. But to the trained eye, they may never have been a more beautiful group. Fifty Jewish souls who were not fortunate enough to be raised in a Torah observant home had come together for two weeks to spend time getting to know God and his Torah.

Morning prayers and breakfast were followed by three hours of optional classes. Some were in German, some in Russian, others even in English. After lunch, the afternoons were filled with such activities as alpine sledding, mountain climbing (in a cable car of course!) a trip to Zurich, and games of Soccer and American Football. At five o’clock in the afternoon, the learning would start up again with the “Bais Midrash Program.” The first fifteen minutes consisted of an introduction to the material that would be studied. Groups then formed to study and discuss the source material for about thirty minutes and then there was a fifteen minute conclusion. Mincha and supper would follow, leading into the nights “night activity.” After Maariv at ten oclock were the optional classes, in English, German, and Russian, which were extremely well attended, some lasting past midnight. Authentic thirst for the words of Torah is always inspiring.

I was brought to the Seminar to strengthen them, and while it may be cliché, I was very inspired from them. I cannot say what will happen to those who experience those two amazing Jewish weeks. I do not know who they will marry, where they will settle or what they will believe. But I think that they will have been changed forever by their experience with Am Echad. And I pray that the Torah that they have learned and the Shabbos that they have felt will never leave their souls. I pray that the inspiration that they will leave with will not dissipate – that they will join yeshivas and Torah institutions where their minds and souls can blossom and shine. I hope that this incredible group of holy Jewish souls will forever inspire me to come closer to where I should be, and to grow beyond my surroundings the way these amazing youngsters have.

We named her Amber - 'cause we liked the color!

There are few things that I find as upsetting as when people name their children meaningless names merely because they sound cute. Ashley or Amber, Brittany or Bruce. What are these names? Isn’t amber a color?

Naming a child after nothing at all is ridiculous. Just imagine a close friend who suddenly picked up and moved to Pittsburgh. You call him up and ask why he moved there, and he offers no reason other than, “I like cities that are spelled with a ‘gh’ in them, and I’ve always thought that the letter ‘P’ is a great one to start a word.” “Did you look into the school system, or think about your distance from family, or the weather, or the proximity to religious institutions and synagogues, or the prevalence of above average Chinese-style eating establishments?” you would then ask him? “Pooh-Pooh to that,” this very strange man would reply, “I already told you that I like the ‘gh’ and plus, on my map, Pennsylvania is orange. I like orange juice.” It is even more foolish to name a child something on a whim.

A child’s name is something very important. Our sages [Arizal quoted in Emunas Itecha p. 188] tell us that parents are enveloped in holiness and divinely prodded towards the right name, should they choose to listen. This name relates to the mission and very soul of the child. [See Chasam Sofer Parshas Korach where he asserts that the sins that Korach committed were as a result of his name!] Unfortunately many do not listen. To name a child after nothing meaningful is a travesty. To name a child Ilana, because “I like the sound,” is childish and immature. To name that very same name to remember a kind grand-mother or because of something that one finds inspiring about trees is an entirely different story. Those reasons are noble ones. But to names ones children names that all begin with the same letter for no reason other than “it’s just so cute” is outrageous! The name of the child can be something meaningful that he or she can relate to over the course of his or her lifetime. It can provide them meaning both in a rational way, and by defining their mission in this life in a spiritual way. To deprive a person of a name that carries meaning in exchange for “Chelsea” or “Tiffany,” is not a Jewish idea.

The great Bnei Yissaschar of Dinov writes [Nissan 4:10 Al Derech Hasod] that a person is drawn after his name. It is like a handle, for by attaching to it the larger object, the whole item will move. It is for this reason that we find Nebuchadnezzar giving secular names to Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah, [Daniel 1:7] calling them Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He hoped to influence them.

Man is complicated. He is not his heart – that can be transplanted. So can his liver and kidneys. His arms and legs can be removed and he is still a man. But his thoughts, accumulated memories, loves, and desires cannot be separated from him. They are the man. When we talk about a person and call him by his name, “Melvin,” we are not referring to his car, his home, his arms and legs, or his heart. We talk about the real him, the part of him that differentiated him from all other people. Ones name is the access path to his essence. Names are not simply borne of convenience. When we wish to refer to the real person, we use that person’s name. The name therefore is not simply a cute nickname or tag, as the name of a dog might be. To refer to ones child by a nickname that one finds very cute is an expression of love. But to name them that and thereby spiritually define their essence based upon immediate cuteness is a bit shallow.

A chasid entered the chambers of the saintly Chidushei HaRim upon the birth of his newborn son. “Rebbe, what name do you recommend that I give my child?” The Rebbe replied, “The Arizal has taught us that at the time that a father names his child, he is given ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration) so that he will choose the true name of that child that is being given to its soul from on high. The name that defines his root. Why should I spoil your opportunity to receive rauch hakodesh?” [Rav Moshe Wolfson, Emunas Itecha p. 188]

“If someone is great, he is called Rabbi. One greater than him is called Rabban. If he is even greater than that, he is then simply called by his own name.” [Tosefta Eduyos 3:4, see Sheloh Torah Shebaal Peh Klallei Yichusei Hachachomim] Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moshe, Shamaya Avtalyon, Yosi Ben Yoezer. There is nothing greater than being yourself. To truly be oneself is a far greater title than even Rabban! All of the striving of a person in this world is really nothing more than a quest to become oneself, and be true to ones own name.

Published in The Jerusalem Life Adar I 2008