Why were Rabbinic Jews called Pharisees?

בענין למה נקראו חכמי ישראל פרושים כתב הרע"ב בחגיגה ב ,ז מפני שאוכלין חולין בטהרה ופרושים ממגע ע"ה. ובפירוש המשניות להרמב"ם פ"ג דסוטה שקראו חכמים לעצמם פרושים מפני שפורשין מבני אדם עם מידות מגונות, ובערוך ערך פרוש איתא "והתואר פרוש מי שהבדיל עצמו והרחיק עצמו מהליכות והנהגות בני האדם הן לטוב הן לרעה (תוספתא סוטה ספט"ו רבו  פרושים בישראל") ובסדר הדורות ג' אלפים ת"ס בשם פילון פ' שחלק מהם פרשו מנשותיהם ובניהם, [וע"ע מהרש"א קידושין עא. ד"ה נזיר בשם יוסיפון שהיה כת בזמן הבית שנקראו נזירים שהלכו להתבודדות כדי שלא לדבר בקלון בני אדם.] ובנצוצי אור לר' ראובן מרגליות (בריש ספרו) כתב מפני שתעודתם ותפקידם היה לפרש את התורה. וברמב"ן (ויקרא יט, ב) איתא דזה מלשון "פרושים תהיו."

A Madwoman and Mussar

Alan Morinis is Jewish by birth. From a secular family, he was pulled to explore Hinduism and Buddhism as a young man. But in the face of personal crisis, he turned to his Jewish heritage and happened upon the spiritual tradition called Mussar. He soon realized that he had discovered an insightful discipline for self-development, complete with contemplative and transformative practices designed to penetrate the deepest roots of the inner life.

Eventually reaching the limits of what he could learn on his own, he decided to seek out a Mussar teacher. This was not an easy task, since almost the entire world of the Mussar tradition had been swept away in the holocaust. In time, in Far Rockaway, Long Island, he found an accomplished master who stood in an unbroken line of transmission of the Mussar Tradition, Rabbi Yechiel Yitzchok Perr, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Derech Ayson, the Yeshiva of Far Rockaway. He has now been a practicing Orthodox Jew for close to eight years.

His book Climbing Jacobs Ladder, which Spirituality & Health voted book of the year, tells the inward story of his discovery of Mussar and the way it transformed his life. At times, it is almost a biography of Rabbi and Rebbitzen Perr. He has founded the Mussar institute (http://www.mussarinsitute.org/), which offers courses and programs for many kinds. He attended Oxford on a Rhodes scholarship, and has made his career as a producer of award-winning television and films. He still lives in Vancouver British Columbia with his wife and two daughters.

His newest book, Everyday Holiness (Boston, 2007) is a guide to practical growth in Mussar. Though there may be many others far more qualified and knowledgeable, Morinis quotes (Everyday Holiness p. 5) Rabbi Bachya ibn Pakuda whose Chovos Halevovos was published in the year 1070, where he writes:

“I knew many good ideas were rejected because of fear, that dread causes a lot of damage, and I recall the expression, “Be careful not to be too careful!” I realized that if everyone who ever resolved to do something good or to instruct others in the path of righteousness kept still until he himself could accomplish everything he set out to, that nothing would have been said since the days of the prophets.”


In Climbing Jacobs Ladder, (p. 177-8) he tells a story which in a deeper sense sums up the immense dedication that he has shown in his life’s journey. ‘Rabbi Perr told me a story one day that left even him shaking his head in astonishment at the capacity of the human heart to love and serve.

“When I was teaching at my father-in-laws yeshiva,” he said, “a man showed up one day unexpectedly. His wife had snapped, unfortunately. She was having a psychotic episode, and she was screaming like a banshee. With tremendous energies! Mad-person energies!
She was screaming without stop, without eating, without resting, without sleeping, around the clock. And she had to be restrained from jumping out the window, from attacking people. Can you imagine?

“Now this man didn’t want to hospitalize her because he was afraid of the stigma. And he knew there was a doctor in Flatbush who gave shock treatments in his office. He had arranged to see this doctor, but has to wait to take her there. There would be a series of treatments, and she would have to be kept not too far from Flatbush until the treatments took effect. So they wound up in my father-in-law’s apartment.

“Three or four of my students, who were in their twenties, and me too, we took turns guarding her so she wouldn’t harm herself or jump out the window. And the whole time she was spewing obscenities.

“This fellow had been taking the whole load on himself. He’d been up with her around the clock for about a week. He hadn’t changed his clothes, he hadn’t eaten, he couldn’t leave her alone. He was perspiring through his clothing which was stained and filthy. He was a clean-shaven person and he hadn’t shaved for a week. He was just a wreck.

“I said to him, ‘How long has this been going on?’ ‘About a week now,’ he answered. ‘But how can you take it?’ I asked. And you know what he answered me? He said, ‘what do you think marriage is? Just for the good times?’ Then after a moment he added, ‘And how does God “take” us? That is also a marriage!’ ”

Alan Morinis dreams that he will reach his brothers in the Jewish world and get them in touch with their souls. It is the depth and power of Mussar that he hopes will awaken their dormant spiritual fervor. After all, it was mussar lessons like this one that awakened his!

Published in The Jerusalem Life, Adar I 2008

Dear Daniella! A Fresh look at Shidduchim, dating, and etiquette

Dear Daniella,

I have been dating for three years now. I am a popular boy in Yeshiva, but i have never been out past a second date. I just cannot seem to become comfortable with any girl that I have gone out with. Is there anything that you can do to help me?

Reuven F. (Last initial has been changed to protect the privacy of Reuven S)

Dear Reuven F,

Let me start by telling you that your problem is not at all unique. My husband and I have been married 34 years and we are still only truly comfortable during and after a good game of Yahtzee. That’s just a little joke. Jokes are meant to ease tension and break down barriers. The finest public speakers will tell you to always begin with something lighthearted. The gemara even tells us to always begin teaching a shiur with a “milsa dibdichusa,” a joke. In your case however, a simple “knock-knock,” “lightbulb,”or “Rabbi, priest, and Islam guy,” will not do it. I do have a suggestion for you. Go to Toys R’ Us just before your next date and go straight to the Fisher Price aisle. They manufacture a little miniature steering wheel that children like to play with. My Aunt Arlene’s children are crazy about them. What a great toy! Place the toy steering wheel in the back seat (just behind the drivers seat.) After letting the girl in the car, go around as though you were getting into the drivers seat, but instead get into the back seat and take your place at the Fisher Price (or Tonka) wheel that you have purchased. Begin driving as normal. You will not be moving, but do not let that on. Begin shouting raucously at one point claiming that you have been cut off. Ask her if she’s ever been in this neighborhood before and why there are so many creepy people around. (You are still in front of her house.) She may be a bit stupefied after 5-10 minutes, and this is your cue to move on. Just get in the front seat and say “Pardon me I seem to have lost my mind for just a moment there,” and proceed as normal. If she does not laugh so hard that she ruins her makeup, she is a truly kind person – but she is laughing inside. Trust me – I write a shidduch column. And if for some reason it doesn’t work, hang on to this page – you can blame it on me and I’m certain that you will be given a second chance.

-Daniella

Dear Daniella,

I am dating a boy who is quite a talmid chacham from what I have heard. But when I asked him what mesechta he was learning he told me, “The Sears and Roebuck Catalog.” I am not certain how to read this. I really want to marry him, but I am truly concerned because when I asked him to tell me over something he has learnt recently, he actually began reciting the merits of Sansabelt Slacks. Help me! Is he being funny, or is he really not learning and simply gaining knowledge of sale prices soon to be outdated?!

In Need of Adbice
(in the email we received, it was spelled “adbice.” Though it is likely a typo, as b and v are neighbors on the keyboard, we chose not to change the spelling because we suspect that the email may have come from Mexico where advice is pronounced “adbice.”)

Dear In Need of Adbice,

I chose this email out of the many that we received due to its relevance to most daters! If you do not know whether or not he is joking, you should not yet “really want to marry him!” Wait and see, I’m sure that you will get a better feel for his sense of humor and serious side. When you know him better there will be no such questions. In a shidduch advice column in a competing publication, a very similar question was asked. The writer suggested that they get married ASAP, being that there is a shidduch crisis. I could not disagree more. In fact if you are not married because the only candidates knew more about the Sears catalog than their Yiddishkeit: that is no crisis! Keep on going, and don’t give up. Remember there’s no “I” in the word team. Just give %110 percent and Hashem will surely help you you’ll find your Prince Bashert in the right time.

-Daniella

Published in The Jerusalem Life Shvat 2008

Shabbos, Torah, and a New World - the story of Ephraim Finkelstein

Somebody must have been praying hard in the City of Hartford Connecticut on the day that Ephraim and Leah Finkelstein got off at the wrong station. The Finkelstein’s would have made it to Boston eventually had they stayed on the train. But for some unknown reason, they disembarked in Hartford. Maybe as new immigrants, Ephraim and Leah did not fully understand the conductor’s rapid-fire station announcements. Hartford in 1898 was an increasingly popular destination for Jewish Eastern Europeans, and Ephraim said to his wife, “Well, if Hashem wants to provide me with parnassah, He can do it inn Hartford too.” Moving to Boston was a decision born of the Finkelsteins steadfast commitment to shmiras Shabbos at all costs.

Born in 1870 to parents Shlomo Yosef and Nechama in Firstig, Glaicia, Ephraim Finkelstein was orphaned as a young boy. He was taken in and raised by his kind older sister Sara and her husband, the son of Rabbi Yehoshua Amsel, a student of the Rebbe of Dinov, the towering Bnei Yissaschar. Upon arrival in America just after his marriage to Leah Leff, at age 18, the young couple settled on New York’s lower east side. The extreme financial strain that was placed upon the new immigrant would have been difficult enough to shoulder even if he could have kept a steady job. But for the Shabbos observant, there were few employers who would be understanding and amenable to their religious needs. Assimilation was seen by many as the only route to daily bread – keeping Shabbos in the shtetl of old was one thing, but in America, it would devastate a person. But the Finkelstein’s knew that the true devastation was not in physical suffering but in spiritual decline.

Ephraim refused to work on Shabbos, and when he realized that New York would offer him little opportunity, he moved to Jersey City. But neither his fortunes nor his employers smiled upon him there any more than they had in New York, and the Finkelstein’s thus found themselves in Hartford Connecticut.

New Jewish immigrants were settling on the eastside of the city in cramped tenement buildings. But as the Jews have always managed to do, the flourishing Jewish community of Hartford began to blossom. Ephraim opened his Tailors Shop on State Street, and it was to become the most successful men’s clothing store in Hartford. But the road was not an easy one. At that time, the “blue laws” were strictly enforced. These laws mandated the closure of all business of Sunday, the day of rest. Weekends are busy times in the clothing business and being closed on Saturday was already a tremendous sacrifice. Being closed on Sunday was proving to be a financial catastrophe. It was a great show of love for God and His Torah, and an enormous Kiddush Hashem to all who saw his store closed on the Shabbos. His children recalled the dinner times in their small apartment above the store when there was no food at all on the table. Nearly all of the Finkelstein’s descendants are Shomrei Torah Umitzvos, something that most of their religious neighbors unfortunately cannot claim. The complete sacrifice for Shabbos that they displayed is no doubt one of the underlying reasons. As his grandchild, Rabbi Ephraim Eisenberg Zt”l former Rosh Yeshiva of Ner Yisrael in Blatimore once said, “I am convinced that our family is blessed with so many brachos (blessings) because of the mesiaras nefesh (personal sacrifice) of our grandparents for shmiras Shabbos (Shabbos observance.”

Ephraim was not simply content with working around the blue laws. He soon organized with others in forming a lobby to appeal the blue laws. This was quite a feat; for his understanding of the inner workings of the Connecticut legislature was as meager as was his command of the English language. But his great capacity for leadership and his deep belief in what he was doing helped the group to eventually make a change in the Connecticut law whereupon any business closed on Saturdays for religious reasons would now be allowed to open on Sundays.

Ephraim’s business began to flourish. He purchased much real estate and amassed much wealth. But his beautiful family was always predicated on the principles of the Torah. As time went on, the Finkelstein’s were the only Shomer Shabbos family in their neighborhood. With no religious day schools, costly tutors had to be hired every day to learn with the children before and after school. At times the days activity would begin at six o’clock in the morning! In 1912, Ephraim established the Pleasant Street Talmud Torah which by 1915 had already taught over 300 students, and eventually became the Yeshiva of Hartford.

About ten years later, Ephraim took upon himself to correct the problems that were facing the Mikvah of Hartford. In 1907, the Mikvah was founded due to Ephraims persistence. Until the mikvah has been established, the Finkelsteins would travel a few hours in a horse and buggy to use the mikvah in a far off town somewhere else in Connecticut. But the Mikvah was now in a bad neighborhood, and had deteriorated greatly. The neighborhood that had once had more than forty kosher butcher shops was no longer a Jewish neighborhood. Many women were frightened and uncomfortable using the facility. Ephraim assumed leadership of a campaign to build a new Mikvah, in a residential section of Hartford. But many felt that their property value would suffer with a Mikvah in the neighborhood, and other quite possibly simply did not like the Jewish Community. Ultimately after many years of lobbying and fundraising, the new mikvah was built on Magnolia Street in 1930. But the work was hard and the hours were long.

Maintaining a Torah lifestyle in pressing circumstances is no small feat. But building Torah in a small New England neighborhood is something truly great. It is the story of Torah pioneers like Ephraim and Leah Finkelstein that are the heritage of all those privileged to live in Hartford and indeed of us all.

Am Echad

The large double-decker bus was waiting for us just outside the giant train station in Munich. As the group of 50 or so college age students waited for Alexei to call their names, check them off and allow them to board, I wondered what I was about to experience. Am Echad is a branch of the Lauder foundation. Their seminars are but a taste of their unprecedented efforts at reaching German and European Jewish youth. This two week summer seminar was to take place high in the Swiss Alps, in a small city called Parpan. The seminar was to consist of daily Torah study, kosher food, two shabbos experiences, (on two separate shabbosim of course) singing, dancing, sports activities, home-made game shows at night, (among them were “lets make a deal,” and “Who wants to be a millionaire”) and a general exposure to Torah Judaism.

The bus completed its international journey by weaving through the precariously tight mountain roads up to the Grischa Lodge hotel, where a meal awaited the new arrivals. The group was a fascinating sight, Jewish boys and girls from across the spectrum or Jewish life. Some dressed in the modest fashion of the religious while others looked as though they had never even heard of kosher or shabbos let alone experience them. On the surface, the group may have appeared a bit eclectic. But to the trained eye, they may never have been a more beautiful group. Fifty Jewish souls who were not fortunate enough to be raised in a Torah observant home had come together for two weeks to spend time getting to know God and his Torah.

Morning prayers and breakfast were followed by three hours of optional classes. Some were in German, some in Russian, others even in English. After lunch, the afternoons were filled with such activities as alpine sledding, mountain climbing (in a cable car of course!) a trip to Zurich, and games of Soccer and American Football. At five o’clock in the afternoon, the learning would start up again with the “Bais Midrash Program.” The first fifteen minutes consisted of an introduction to the material that would be studied. Groups then formed to study and discuss the source material for about thirty minutes and then there was a fifteen minute conclusion. Mincha and supper would follow, leading into the nights “night activity.” After Maariv at ten oclock were the optional classes, in English, German, and Russian, which were extremely well attended, some lasting past midnight. Authentic thirst for the words of Torah is always inspiring.

I was brought to the Seminar to strengthen them, and while it may be cliché, I was very inspired from them. I cannot say what will happen to those who experience those two amazing Jewish weeks. I do not know who they will marry, where they will settle or what they will believe. But I think that they will have been changed forever by their experience with Am Echad. And I pray that the Torah that they have learned and the Shabbos that they have felt will never leave their souls. I pray that the inspiration that they will leave with will not dissipate – that they will join yeshivas and Torah institutions where their minds and souls can blossom and shine. I hope that this incredible group of holy Jewish souls will forever inspire me to come closer to where I should be, and to grow beyond my surroundings the way these amazing youngsters have.

We named her Amber - 'cause we liked the color!

There are few things that I find as upsetting as when people name their children meaningless names merely because they sound cute. Ashley or Amber, Brittany or Bruce. What are these names? Isn’t amber a color?

Naming a child after nothing at all is ridiculous. Just imagine a close friend who suddenly picked up and moved to Pittsburgh. You call him up and ask why he moved there, and he offers no reason other than, “I like cities that are spelled with a ‘gh’ in them, and I’ve always thought that the letter ‘P’ is a great one to start a word.” “Did you look into the school system, or think about your distance from family, or the weather, or the proximity to religious institutions and synagogues, or the prevalence of above average Chinese-style eating establishments?” you would then ask him? “Pooh-Pooh to that,” this very strange man would reply, “I already told you that I like the ‘gh’ and plus, on my map, Pennsylvania is orange. I like orange juice.” It is even more foolish to name a child something on a whim.

A child’s name is something very important. Our sages [Arizal quoted in Emunas Itecha p. 188] tell us that parents are enveloped in holiness and divinely prodded towards the right name, should they choose to listen. This name relates to the mission and very soul of the child. [See Chasam Sofer Parshas Korach where he asserts that the sins that Korach committed were as a result of his name!] Unfortunately many do not listen. To name a child after nothing meaningful is a travesty. To name a child Ilana, because “I like the sound,” is childish and immature. To name that very same name to remember a kind grand-mother or because of something that one finds inspiring about trees is an entirely different story. Those reasons are noble ones. But to names ones children names that all begin with the same letter for no reason other than “it’s just so cute” is outrageous! The name of the child can be something meaningful that he or she can relate to over the course of his or her lifetime. It can provide them meaning both in a rational way, and by defining their mission in this life in a spiritual way. To deprive a person of a name that carries meaning in exchange for “Chelsea” or “Tiffany,” is not a Jewish idea.

The great Bnei Yissaschar of Dinov writes [Nissan 4:10 Al Derech Hasod] that a person is drawn after his name. It is like a handle, for by attaching to it the larger object, the whole item will move. It is for this reason that we find Nebuchadnezzar giving secular names to Chananya, Mishael, and Azariah, [Daniel 1:7] calling them Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. He hoped to influence them.

Man is complicated. He is not his heart – that can be transplanted. So can his liver and kidneys. His arms and legs can be removed and he is still a man. But his thoughts, accumulated memories, loves, and desires cannot be separated from him. They are the man. When we talk about a person and call him by his name, “Melvin,” we are not referring to his car, his home, his arms and legs, or his heart. We talk about the real him, the part of him that differentiated him from all other people. Ones name is the access path to his essence. Names are not simply borne of convenience. When we wish to refer to the real person, we use that person’s name. The name therefore is not simply a cute nickname or tag, as the name of a dog might be. To refer to ones child by a nickname that one finds very cute is an expression of love. But to name them that and thereby spiritually define their essence based upon immediate cuteness is a bit shallow.

A chasid entered the chambers of the saintly Chidushei HaRim upon the birth of his newborn son. “Rebbe, what name do you recommend that I give my child?” The Rebbe replied, “The Arizal has taught us that at the time that a father names his child, he is given ruach hakodesh (divine inspiration) so that he will choose the true name of that child that is being given to its soul from on high. The name that defines his root. Why should I spoil your opportunity to receive rauch hakodesh?” [Rav Moshe Wolfson, Emunas Itecha p. 188]

“If someone is great, he is called Rabbi. One greater than him is called Rabban. If he is even greater than that, he is then simply called by his own name.” [Tosefta Eduyos 3:4, see Sheloh Torah Shebaal Peh Klallei Yichusei Hachachomim] Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moshe, Shamaya Avtalyon, Yosi Ben Yoezer. There is nothing greater than being yourself. To truly be oneself is a far greater title than even Rabban! All of the striving of a person in this world is really nothing more than a quest to become oneself, and be true to ones own name.

Published in The Jerusalem Life Adar I 2008